Nathan's Occasional Blog

Dear All SUV Owners…:

YOU DO NOT OWN A COMPACT CAR. AT NO POINT IN YOUR SUBURBAN UTILITY VEHICLE’S LIFE WILL IT EVER TURN INTO A COMPACT CAR, SO STOP THINKING IT’S ANYTHING BUT AN SUV. YOU’RE NOT DRIVING A CAR, YOU’RE DRIVING A GAS-GUZZLING TANK. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR REASONS ARE FOR PURCHASING SUCH A MONSTROSITY, BUT PLEASE (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY) STOP TRYING TO PARK IN PARKING SPOTS CLEARLY MARKED FOR COMPACT CARS!!! BE AN IDIOT ON YOUR OWN TIME IN YOUR OWN DRIVEWAY, BUT STOP MAKING IT SUCH A PAIN FOR THE REST OF US WHO HAVE TO SHARE THE FUCKING ROAD WITH YOU. IF YOU’RE OVERCOMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING ELSE, GREAT. YOU’RE NOT A COMPACT CAR!!! YOU CAN’T FIT INTO A COMPACT CAR’S PARKING SPOT SO PLEASE STOP TRYING!!! IT’S SIMPLE PHYSICS, YOU FOOL! IF I SEE ANOTHER ONE OF YOU LAZY-ASS SUV DRIVERS TRYING TO CRAM YOUR VEHICLE INTO A SPACE THAT’S TOO SMALL FOR IT, I’M GOING TO WRITE DOWN YOUR LICENSE PLATE NUMBER AND POST IT ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYBODY TO SEE. STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!!

[Via Chris Pirillo]

Sing it like Chris Farley: “big truck in a little spot…”.  Hell, I drive a Honda Accord coupe and even I avoid certain spaces because I think they’re too small.  Meanwhile a certain special someone in my office drives an H3 … but at least he doesn’t park in compact spots.

Now if we can get everyone else to pay attention to the FRIGGIN WHITE LINES!!!